I haven’t been able to think about this entire situation without crying. The first thing I thought about was what he wrote in this book-

For Katy.

This is my past.

You are my future.

I know there are all sorts of rumors about who wanted to divorce who, who’s fault it was, who this, who that. But really, does it matter? A marriage ended. Not only any marriage, to me. This marriage was of one that gave me hope. I’m not saying it’s the same hope Katy gives me, but one in a different area. One that gave me hope that maybe there is someone who was made perfectly for me. My parent’s marriage made me lose faith in all things in “love”. Relationships I had failed because they would say they loved me and I basically laughed and said that they didn’t because that’s not a real feeling, that it’s a trick in your head. 

But Katy and Russell were different to me. He overcame so many things in his life, and she helped me. He looked at her like she held the world with her left hand, and his heart in the other. She would talk about him like he manually put each star in the sky. I loved that. I loved their relationship. Her Grammy performance, with their wedding video in the background, I can never get over that. 

If this makes her happy, then all the power to her, but I just wish they could be happy together. 

I remember when I met her, I said I wanted my tattoo on my arm like her and Russell’s, she kind of laughed, but it was also kind of vacant. I remember thinking that at the time, and brushing it off. They were in love, right? They were going to spend the rest of their lives together, having babies and loving each other unconditionally. I don’t think they lied about their statements to anybody about them not being unhappy. I think they were. But I also think that they wanted different things and maybe it wasn’t right timing for them. She’ll find someone that is completely different from her, or maybe exactly the same. They’ll be her perfect match. 

And in the end, maybe it will be Russell, and maybe it won’t. Maybe she won’t ever find someone. Maybe they’ll be a girl. Whatever makes her happy makes me happy, but seeing this end just kind of hurts really badly.

end rant.