I’m a little tipsy, so my emotions might change by the morning;

I’m just kind of tired of decisions. I’m sick of debating on whether I should just off myself or stay and stay like this. I feel like I have so much, or maybe so little, I’m not entirely sure. I don’t even know how I feel about anything. I’m so incredibly confused. I don’t know if I’m in love with my best friend, or better yet, if they’re in love with me. I don’t feel this way about anyone, and I just need to figure out if it’s the feeling of true friendship, or actual… ew, love. I really have refrained from saying i love you to many people because I feel like that is all in your head.

I just know that whenever she is around, I’m happier. I want to be better for her. I want to be able to wear short sleeves around her. When we’re going to sleep, I just want to touch her. Not in a dirty way, just be close to somebody. I would do anything  to make her happy. When she’s sad, it feels like someone twisted a knife in my stomach. I do all i can to make her laugh. It’s something different from anything else I’ve ever felt, but then again, I’ve never truly had a best friend before. Whenever she kisses me, I want to hold just a second longer to see how it would feel. The only time that actually followed through into more than just a kiss, we were drunk and fooling around. It’s now a joke between our friends. 

Besides Katy, she is the only one to make me smile. And I jsut realized that this rant was not supposed to be about this topic..

Too tired to continue